u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
