Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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