Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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