Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
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