Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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