whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Randomize
