What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
