then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
