im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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