ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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