Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
