my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
