I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
