don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
