Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
