The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
