yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
