the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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