i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
