i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I think your dad took our porno
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
