I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
