What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
