I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
