He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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