He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
