Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
