i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
