i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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