yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
