Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
