Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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