Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
