It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
