Im at strip club and am horny
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
