She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
wanna go halves on a baby?
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
