: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
