He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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