the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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