I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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