Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i just google imaged poop.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
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