people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
