Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
