So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Randomize
