I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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