watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
