whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
