He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Randomize
