oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Randomize
