i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
