We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Randomize
